63. Exhausted

The last couple of weeks have been tiring for a number of reasons. Emotionally tiring, physically tiring and mentally tiring. Today I had radiotherapy number 11 and a review by the Drs and a nurse. They are happy and also surprised at how good my skin looks and feels. They seemed to think it would be redder and more raw looking. Perhaps it's the moogoo moisturer I put on it at least twice a day, perhaps it's cos I drink a lot of water. Perhaps it's because I have been doing my exercises. Perhaps it's because I have been taking the homeopathic remedy Radium Brom. There is a trial happening in the UK at the moment for this remedy when used with radiotherapy for breast cancer. It'll be finished mid next year. It'll be interesting to see what it shows. My skin is a bit hot, and stings a bit like I've gotten a light sunburn. 5 more sessions to go...

A friend passed away from cancer earlier this month. I first met him when I was 18 and he was 10 and as one of my best friends younger brothers. I distinctly remember his cheeky grin and mischievousness as that little kid full of energy, racing around outside, getting covered in mud at the pond and making a whole lot of noise. As the years went by and I would visit the USA I got to meet him every 3-6 years and enjoy getting to see how he had grown but still had that same energy and fun that he had when I first met him. It was hard and sad hearing about his diagnoses and the struggles he went through. When I got my cancer diagnosis it took on a whole new level of emotional responses to process. I grieve for my friend and her family's loss. RIP Robin.

The last couple of weeks one of my sisters was in hospital and now my dad is. Lots of driving and hospital hopping every day. Lots of emotions, lots of decisions and problem solving which is tiring at the best of times. By last Friday afternoon I was so exhausted I went to bed at 4.45pm and basically didn't get out of bed until after 10.30am the next day and then barely did anything all day.

I'm not sleeping very well, waking up with either bone pain, hot flushes and sweaty, being thirsty or needing to pee. Sometimes it's all at the same time. Sometimes I get a block of 4 hours together, often it's 2 hours or less. The combination of radiotherapy; hormone therapy and the stress this month is a multiple whammy for disturbed sleep. It's now 2.07am because I woke up all flushed and sweaty and thirsty and then became wide awake. I figured I am due a post so why not be constructive for a little bit.

One good and fun thing has happened. On Sunday my choir sang at the Blackheath Festival of Choirs. I put up a photo of me in my medieval costume on my new Instagram page. 99% of my posts are my creative outlets and nature posts. Some beauty to counterbalance out the medical and stressful stuff. Back to the choir performance, it went really well. We sounded great. I played the medieval "lute" (it's got 4 strings - not 25 - so played like a ukulele but it looks like a lute) and that was very fun. I ended up having a major hot flush in the middle of the performance and sweated so much it was dripping off my face; down my back and legs and pooling at my feeet. My dress got so damp it was hard to get off afterwards!! Hormone therapy has certainly kicked in that's for sure.

Time to get back to sleep. I've started to cool down again, fan been blasting on high and I got some ice packs. The fatigue & skin heat from radiotherapy is going to get worse this next week for my last doses and then it'll stick around or even get a bit worse for a couple of weeks, maybe even 3 or 4.